Archive for November 2016

My babygirl is growing up so fast. Just this morning Facebook reminded me how tiny she looked standing in her crib four years ago. Time is definitely against me and there is no taking back those amazing moments. If she wasn't my last baby, I may not be so melancholic but she is, so. I am.

Love this face to the moon and back. She is almost five years old and I am noticing her little personality begin to shine through. She is strong willed, bossy, caring, organized, funny and above all loves a good cuddle. She loves me "piojitoing" her, which means gently scratching or massaging her. Every night we get into bed, she asks me to gently scratch her head and back to sleep. She is my little strong princess and I love everything about her.

She is also my little artist in training. She basically does everything her big sisters do. I am so in awe at how well she has moved from numbers to counting to adding and letters to words. At her age she has surpassed her sisters in her learning curve and for the first time I may have her skip kinder. One last thing that she differs slightly from her sisters is her incredible imagination. I don't remember her other sisters playing pretend as much as her. She has an amazing imagination and she can role play for hours. This, I have to say, she gets it from me.

Can I mention how nearly impossible these photos were to take? This past year I made a decision to go manual all the way. And while it was so difficult in the beginning (I photograph kids and cats and they don't cooperate), I stuck with it. Here you still find me struggling and even missing the focus point almost entirely. While I am not happy about these missed opportunities, I am moving forward and learning from every mistake. I am also in the f1.2 in these shots so my point of focus is almost impossible to get right with a wiggling child, but there's only one way to get them and that's to keep trying.

She moved, she wiggles, she complained and never stayed still but I managed to get a couple of photos I was quite happy with. My point at this time is that never giving up really does pay off. I have missed so many opportunities to get incredible shots but I have never given up and continue to improve. At least I think so and trust we, I am my worst critic.

So here I will continue to be melancholic and continue to enjoy every single moment of their little lives. I already know they don't last but at least I know it and I don't take it for granted. They are my love, my happiness and I will continue to treasure them for everything they do for me.

P.S. These photos were entirely edited on my iPhone. :)

What are the stages of grieving again, I forgot. I know somewhere down the line there should come resignation. I don't know when or how, but I trust that I will find it. For now, it's too early and I'm just managing to find a mere way to cope. I have not felt this uncertain since 9/11 and then now 11/9 happened and I can't help feel something extremely weird happened to our country.

In times like these, I can only hold on to the one thing I have left, my faith. Faith and belief that Good always triumphs and that everything happens for a reason. I don't know what that reason is yet but pretty soon I suspect we will. Until this initial shock fades and my lack of respect in many of my fellow Americans subsides, I can only pray that our problems don't get worse. I fear for those around me more than for myself.

I know we sometimes can't see past our noses and what we think affects us is the only thing that matters, but that's not true. Doing good for others is how you reap the most rewards. Just knowing so many others other than me are hurting, hurts me. Our own inner fears cause us to do things that we never thought we would. In this case we must come together and don't let the one thing we are trying to fight win. Hate.

In this past week I've had to dig very deep to find answers. When I am covered in questions from myself and others, all I can do is search deep inside myself for the answers so desperately needed. One way to overcome fear is to imagine the worst can scenario. In this situation, what we fear the most may never even come to pass because the very fiber of our country was not designed to work that way. To me what he said is not as important as why he even said those things in the first place. He lies and that's the only way I see it. A liar is always a liar and nothing guarantees us he will actually do what he said he would. This is one reason we need to not be consumed with fear because many things won't happen and if they even try, there will be a price to pay. The majority is strong in many ways and this is one way it will actually matter.

Sure, "Never My President" seems like the most logical reaction right now. Feeling that he does not represent us or that he does not speak for us is actually good for the world to see. We need to show those around the world all the smack he talked does not mean everybody believes that way. With that said, we also need to show what we do stand for and that is our country. No matter what, we have to push forward for the better of our nation. There are things we are not supposed to know. There are things we are not supposed to even understand. The only thing we must always remember is that divided we fall. Just when we seem to be getting along, things happen that cause division in our country and this is where we need to look past our noses to realize this. With such a divided country, we all have to take a turn to keep the pendulum in balance and this is just one more time things don't make sense because they're not supposed to. We must just accept things as they are and pray for the best.

This is where acceptance and finally resignation comes in.
We must pray for our country.
United we Stand. Divided we Fall. Don't let Hate win.

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