Time to click it up a notch

So I created this blog, I don't know, eons ago it seems and at the time I decided I would write mainly about my kids and things that we did as a family.  Since my first post, I always tried to stay positive and far away from controversy. Getting personal is not something I'm good at privately, so imagine publicly? I always tried to avoid it and for obvious reasons.  I'm a introvert but I have decided, as gut wrenching as this is for me, to throw a little bit of my private life out the interwebz. At least my personal thoughts. I don't know why but I think it's time.

Where did my motivation go?

Often times, ok most times, I go under the radar.  That's ok because I wanted it that way,  I mean I have loads of Diaries to talk to all about me anyways, why would I post anything about my personal life here? It's online, and public and that's a scary place. So then I began to think. Why have I suddenly become so unmotivated to write?  Why have I gone silent?  Why did my motivation go out the door and never looked back? I mean there were so many interesting things that happened this past year to talk about. We took a ten state family trip for God's sake, so why didn't I write about that?! 
Then it finally hit me and I began to the problem, I worked on me.  I had to.  I finally realized I had lost myself, my purpose and my direction and it was all due to life.  This messy thing we call life.  This is not easy for me to do, but it's a start. Getting personal means being honest with myself and I'm just getting to that point where I feel comfortable doing this.  Baby steps, baby steps. 

For the first time in my life I realized I needed to focus on me, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts.  Sincerely, Lorena was born.  My blog is taking a new direction.  I guess you can say my blog is becoming more self aware about who I am, what I believe and think, than just merely on what we did.  It's easy to write about what happened, but it's another entirely to write and focus on how you felt when those things happened.

And yeah, trust me, I have gotten so much heat lately because I actually have a point of view.  Oh my goodness, I'm a woman with an opinion? My POV is actually not very popular at this juncture and for some reason I'm supposed to keep to myself all personal thoughts and ideas and junk.  But why?!  Why so many men think women should not voice their opinion is beyond me! Our feelings, if not explored, expressed, discussed or acknowledged, will implode and cause havoc! Really. Your health and mind are connected.  I have written in a Diary since I was 13 and it has been my healer for many years.  My confidant, my therapist, my best friend. I just hope that by me being a little bit more honest about my life, I can help someone out there.

I guess I never really wanted to share until I had something important to share.   I would like to think that after many many years of writing, I have matured a bit.  But only a little bit.  Hey, don't get scared, this will not be anything extreme like I'm a woman hear me roar kind of junk.  I'm just little ol' me becoming a bit more honest in what I say and how I say it and not giving a damn if it bothers anyone.

After all, not all in life is rainbows and unicorns.  Even though my 7 year old would like to think so. So welcome to finally me being sincerely me. 


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