Archive for March 2016

So I created this blog, I don't know, eons ago it seems and at the time I decided I would write mainly about my kids and things that we did as a family. Since my first post, I always tried to stay positive and far away from controversy. Getting personal is not something I'm good at privately, so imagine publicly? I always tried to avoid it and for obvious reasons. I'm a introvert but I have decided, as gut wrenching as this is for me, to throw a little bit of my private life out the interwebz. At least my personal thoughts. I don't know why but I think it's time.

Where did my motivation go?
Often times, ok most times, I go under the radar. That's ok because I wanted it that way, I mean I have loads of Diaries to talk to all about me anyways, why would I post anything about my personal life here? It's online, and public and that's a scary place. So then I began to think. Why have I suddenly become so unmotivated to write? Why have I gone silent? Why did my motivation go out the door and never looked back? I mean there were so many interesting things that happened this past year to talk about. We took a ten state family trip for God's sake, so why didn't I write about that?!

Then it finally hit me and I began to the problem, I worked on me. I had to. I finally realized I had lost myself, my purpose and my direction and it was all due to life. This messy thing we call life. This is not easy for me to do, but it's a start. Getting personal means being honest with myself and I'm just getting to that point where I feel comfortable doing this. Baby steps, baby steps.

For the first time in my life I realized I needed to focus on me, my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts. Sincerely, Lorena was born. My blog is taking a new direction. I guess you can say my blog is becoming more self aware about who I am, what I believe and think, than just merely on what we did. It's easy to write about what happened, but it's another entirely to write and focus on how you felt when those things happened.

And yeah, trust me, I have gotten so much heat lately because I actually have a point of view. Oh my goodness, I'm a woman with an opinion? My POV is actually not very popular at this juncture and for some reason I'm supposed to keep to myself all personal thoughts and ideas and junk. But why?! Why so many men think women should not voice their opinion is beyond me! Our feelings, if not explored, expressed, discussed or acknowledged, will implode and cause havoc! Really. Your health and mind are connected. I have written in a Diary since I was 13 and it has been my healer for many years. My confidant, my therapist, my best friend. I just hope that by me being a little bit more honest about my life, I can help someone out there.

I guess I never really wanted to share until I had something important to share. I would like to think that after many many years of writing, I have matured a bit. But only a little bit. Hey, don't get scared, this will not be anything extreme like I'm a woman hear me roar kind of junk. I'm just little ol' me becoming a bit more honest in what I say and how I say it and not giving a damn if it bothers anyone.

After all, not all in life is rainbows and unicorns. Even though my 7 year old would like to think so. So welcome to finally me being sincerely me.

The day we all secretly dream of is a surprise birthday party. But not for my mother. She was turning 70 and the day she probably dreaded the most was finally coming to her. She knew her daughters were putting together a small dinner for her but little did she know we had so much more secretly planned for her.

This day and so much more was so well deserved. Our mother has been nothing short of an amazing mother to us. She has cared for us in every way imaginable. She has made sure we are provided for and has taught us how to be resilient women in life. Never having learned to drive, nothing has ever stopped her from getting where she needed or wanted to go which even includes visiting us 300 miles away. She has been such an inspiration to me that I often think I could never come close to following in her shoes.

Think of any struggle in life, any, and she's probably been through that. She has taught me that struggle is synonymous with life. Unfortunately. But this is something I look at with pride and I never ever want to forget what the real meaning of a happy life truly is. Family.

Happiness is not wealth or material things. Happiness is not a new car or new house. Happiness is not even that perfect husband many women search endlessly for. Happiness is being good to yourself and those around you. My mom has struggled so much in life but even when life is hard, it doesn't have to be unhappy.

Making this day for her the happiest it could be was not going to be easy but we were definitely going to try. My mother is very shy and humble and the last thing she likes to be is the center of attention or us spending money on her, and this day definitely had both. We knew she would be mad at us for a bit but but that's what her sisters were going to be there for to defend us. And they did. She forgave us when she realized how deep our love for her is and that seeing her face happy and smiling was all the reward we wanted. Her happiness is our happiness and we wouldn't have it any other way. That's the secret to life.

Her face of surprise, her tears of joy and the constant smile on her face was all that my sisters and I could have ever asked for. Every day we thank God for giving us such a loving, caring and hard working mother. I can only wish I could be like her one day.

Happy birthday mom. (mamich) You are so truly LOVED.

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