The second child.
I often wonder what kind of mother I have been to her. I can definitely tell the differences in my mothering to her versus my first daughter. Oh my World! My first daughter had my undivided attention 24/7 but by my second daughter my attention was definitely divided. Now I had to tackle two needs and two wants every single day. I don’t care who these mothers are that say it’s the absolute same thing to have 1 child or 2 or even 3 children. It’s never the same! Never. Sure, it’s not as hard but my attention span can only keep up with so much. Having more than one child is never the same unless you're excessively lenient with your kids.
With my first daughter I was a young mother… 23-ish so I had all the energy in the world. I had so many hopes and dreams. I wanted my first child so much and she became my dream come true. I was in cloud nine with my baby and I was determined to doing everything right. I left the university to pursue a full time mommy job and I was determined to be promoted to being the best mom in the world! Did I succeed, maybe not but I sure as heck tried my darnest. This was my best mommy time of my life.
Then the Oh no, my daughter is all alone in the world paranoia kicked in. What if! If I die who will be with my baby? Who will keep her company in the atrocious incidence of me selfishly deciding to leave this world too early? I figured my daughter having a little sister would somehow make up for that. So I made the decision of getting pregnant again. If only she was a girl? I thought this would complete my plan of being the best mom to my girl. And she was a girl and I know in my heart it was the absolute best decision in the world!
There was pain. Somehow my bones had aged so much in those few short years that every time I walked they creaked. Seriously! This was NOT a fun pregnancy but I planned it and I wanted it so I endured the pain. I had suffered from a lower back injury digging up a whole a few months before and I never fully recuperated. I also blame the epidural shot in my first pregnancy that made my bones weak in that area causing my injury but I have no proof. So I live with this pain since then.
P.S I have found exercise has minimized my lower pack pain! This is why I stay active and strengthen and stretch my back muscles all the time.
Anyway. Long story short, the pretties and feistiest dark hair and blue eyed baby girl was born. She was perfect and I was in love all over again. She became my new dream come true! I made her the same promise I made to my first daughter when she was born: That I would be the best mom in the world to her. Sometimes I feel I have slacked off a bit. My energy is jus not there anymore. My life has taken a turn on a more workaholic route. My undivided concentration has become divided.
That’s alright. Having a second child makes you not so uptight anymore. You can be a bit douchie with your first child sometimes. Excessive cleaning, excessive pampering, excessive rules, excessive regulations, excessive douchiness all around. Your child is the center of your world and decide nothing else matters. This is a big mistake because sometimes you forget to breath, but by your second child you have come to realize this and ease up a bit. Your second child actually enjoys more freedoms your first child didn’t even dream of having. Not being over protected means your kids have more freedom to explore and be kids. To play and learn from playing. My mom had 6 children… I was number 5 so by this time I ranged free almost the entire day then at night my mom would just do a head count to make sure there were 5 of us. (My little sister didn’t come until 10 years later)
Now Camila is the center baby. She doesn’t have quite the same freedoms as her older sister and is not so restricted as her little sister. I say she is in the perfect spot. She’s like the perfect porridge, not too cold and not too hot, just right. She gets to learn from both her sisters. And me, well I’m on my third child and I find myself counting heads already. It’s not that it gets easier or harder, it’s just that you learn from what you think your children need from what they really need. There is a big difference and it's only with becoming a professional mom with the years that you gain this experience.