When was the last time I took the time to write… I can’t remember! Is it because I don’t have enough to say or maybe because I have too much to say that I don’t know where to start.
One thing I can’t help ask myself almost every single day… are people actually capable of change? You would think I would say yes being that I’ve changed so much in the past months. I matured. I've learned how to cope with life in so many different ways as I’ve watched myself struggling to make sense of anything that I was doing. Women, we don’t have it easy… at all! If you want something, everything just seems so much harder to achieve. I want to be a good role model for my girls but at the same time I find myself losing touch with what a good “role model” really is.
So, it’s settled, I’m capable of change but what about others? If I believe in the change in myself, why is it so hard to believe others are capable of doing the same? Maybe because I can control my own thoughts and behavior but I can never trust others to do the same. After all, it is a hard thing to do and not every one can do it. It all revolves around one thing, trust. I’ve lost trust in trust… and to me once it’s lost it is almost impossible to gain it back. It’s a sad thing but I guess the words from my dad’s advice are still ringing in my ears: “Don’t trust anyone… only yourself.” I never imagined those words would become engraved in my mind for the rest of my life.
Maybe, just maybe I need to mature some more and begin to trust in myself to do the right thing. All I can do is pray for guidance and wisdom to know how to do the right thing.